Definitely, maybe!

Few days ago, thing doesn’t seem quite so good to me. It’s a hectic! My feeling towards you grew every one and a half minute everyday in my life. I’m sick of being like this all the time.

I don’t like what I feel throughout this weeks and I hate it so much! Only God knows why! I feel as if I’m being possessed by something! I don’t know why I like you so much. It’s kind of weird at first. And it’s getting weirder after that. I just don’t understand myself at all.  Do you??

Frankly? I like you so much. And I love everything you do.  But that’s just it. There’s no reason for me to be so stuck on you. I mean, really! I don’t know what’s so special about you. Why I have to be thinking about stuff like this when I know there’s so much things I have to get going? Whatever lah!

Stressful WEEK

Satu minggu yg pnuh dgn cabaran! Percayalah! Time tuh hanya Allah je yg tahu betapa sukarnya utk melalui satu detik demi satu detik. Beban keje sekolah amat dirasai!  Mungkin anda melihat saya tertawa riang, gurau senda bersama rakan seperjuangan. Tapi, hakikatnya saya tidaklah segembira yg anda lihat. Dan ada di antara anda yg mentafsirkan diri ini sebagai seorang yg meticulous ( org yg tidak kesah) tetapi anda lupa, saya juga dianugerahkan hati dan perasaan sama seperti kalian.  Saya juga ada perasaan.  Jangan lupa!

Mungkin cara aku untuk melupakan segala masalah yg datang tanpa diundang dengan cara bergelak ketawa, bersuka ria, bergurau senda dan bermain bersama-sama kamu semua. Itu cara aku. Selagi aku mampu menahan perasaan yg terbeban nih, aku akn tahan.

Tapi untuk minggu itu,  aku dah tak mampu menahan sesak masalah yang datang tanpa dijemput dalam diri ini. Dan itulah kali pertama dalam tahun 2011 di asrama SMKA SHAMS, aku menitiskan air mata. Satu titis demi satu titis air mata ini membawa segala perasaan, dendam, marah, dan penat mengalir membasahi pipi. Tapi, tiada siapa yang tahu.

Biarlah, air mata yg mengalir tuh bawa semua masalah aku pergi. Aku pn da tk larat nk pendam ssengsorang. Da tk mampu. Maafkan saya!

YES!

katak

TARIKH KERAMAT : 02/02/2011

TEMPAT PEMBEDAHAN DIJALANKAN : MAKMAL BIOLOGI SMKA SHAMS, SEREMBAN.

MANGSA : KATAK-KATAK SMKA SHAMS

PENGLIBATAN : SEMUA PELAJAR SMKA SHAMS KELAS 5 ISLAH 2011

GURU: PN ZABEDAH

Hehe. Seronok dapat bedah katak. Touching them with my bare hands for the first time. You can feel my excitement breathing up in the air. AURA! Hasilnya, my group telah Berjaya membedah seekor katak tnp menumpahkan setitis darah pun! Cikgu kata, pembedahan yg hebat dan Berjaya ialah pembedahan yg tiada darah! Yes! We nailed it! I couldn’t be more proud of myself and my group of course. This operation wouldn’t be succeed without them.

BRIEFING ABOUT FROGGY :

Katak has a heart with 3 chambers. Got lungs. Large intestine, small intestine, stomach. Just like a human being but more simple. Unlike human. We’re all complex. And we’re unique in our own way!!

Katak tuh kiteorg carik sendiri tau kat kawasan kls form 5. Gler lawak r. And ade gk kejadian yg tk diingini berlaku mlm tuh. Tapi itu semua takdir yg ditetapkan oleh Allah. Chee.. yelah kan da terkena kepala sendiri.kan! lol.

posing ke operate nih??

syahdu katak!

katak dan mereka

kerumun katak!

seronok betol ye!

hasil pembedahan

SUDAHLAH!

Sudahlah hentikan semua ini. Apa yang kau cuba nak beritahu aku kali ini? Aku da bosan lah. Aku pun ade perasaan juga. Jangan suka permainkan perasaan orang. Cukuplah. Selagi aku masih dapat mengawal emosi kemarahan aku, aku minta kau hentikanlah semua ni. 0_0

Time nih baru aku tahu ape rasenyer. Maafkan aku weyh. Aku xde niat nk sakitkan hati sesiapa. Tetapi, kerana kau aku knl erti persahabatan. Erti kekuatan sebuah persahabatan. Dan kerana kau, aku tahu...semua manusia itu sama. Masing-masing punyai perasaan. Aku baru sedar.

Oleh itu, atas ape yang pernah aku lakukan. Aku amat kesali dgn perbuatan itu. Atas sbb itu aku takkan biarkan ade yang menyakiti hati kau. Aku akan hentikan segala perkara yang aku mulakan.

MAAFKAN AKU.

Maafkan aku!

To: 22^nd  Febuary 1994

I’m really really really sorry! Maaf weyh. Aku tak tahu lak kau begitu kecik hati ngn aku. Bukanlah niat aku x suke kau or whatever yg terlintas kat kepala kau. Tak. Cuma kadang-kadang tuh aku rasa tiada mende yg harus diperkatakan. Yes, YOU’RE MY BEST MATE! Kau tawu tuh! But I don’t know what’s bothering your mind! I told you before, forever and always kau ttp kawan aku. So, tolong jangan wat aku rse serba salah. Aku x nk ade barrier yg haling friendship kita eh. Aku rse kau kecik hati ngn aku time kau msg ngn aku hari tuh and tetibe aku ckp, aku mls nk msg. Ever since kau cm jd laen ngn aku.

Tapi, andai kata kau tk nk maafkan aku for what i have done and said before. What is left to do then? I cant force you to forgive me but I already seek for your forgiveness. Kalau kau tk sudi nk maafkan aku, I can’t do anything. You can’t blame me for everything and saying that I never tried to get back to where we were before.  Because I did tried or maybe I wasn’t try hard enough? Perhaps.

Bukan tk nk tegur kadang2 tuh. Tp rase diri nih da jauh sgt ngn kau. Rse cm menyemak lak dlm wall kau. Mungkin kau akn kate, aku hny buat alasan. Tapi, terserahlah. Aku hanya doakan yg terbaik buat kau. Tak kesahlah sama ada kau nk marah, kecik hati, x nk contact, ape ape je. I won’t be mad. Kite da 17 thn kot. Takkanlah nk wat perangai cm kanak-kanak. Sudahlah, kalau tk nk. Tk pe.

Mulakanlah dgn hidup baru. Lupakan segalanya. I don’t mind.

Sincerely from,

25^th  February 1994

What's left of me?

Those pictures. I envy them. I do. I really am. I cannot tell you how much or how I have had always wanted to be part of their lives. But it’s just a dream I held inside of my head. No matter how I always want it I never get the chance. WHY? The questions flustered in my mind. The answer is. I DON’T KNOW. In fact, I don’t even know why I really wanted to be a part of them. Maybe there’s something about them makes me feel like useful. But who knows exactly how I feel? I don’t. When I looked at the picture again, I felt something missing in me. Sting of jealousy strike through my veins and I feel the pain and I’ve been feeling this since forever. I’m afraid. I’m always afraid to tell how I feel about certain things that I’m sure in my life. Don’t bother asking me why because I don’t even know the answer. 

So, with things that I desire never will ever come true. I begin to hate for whatever I desire of. Just the thought of seeing how fun all of them had together and how lovely they were and together with the memories they had. I almost cry inside out of my heart. You don’t know how it feels when all the one you love doesn’t love you back. It’s hurt deep inside. You may see me smiling, laughing and happy but deep down....it’s just the way of telling you that I’m in misery. That’s how I try to get better each day in my life. Do you know exactly how I feel when all things going to be just the same????? I sigh a lot. And every step I’m taking I wish I will find someone who can makes me feel better. And every step I’m heading to class, you don’t know how nervous I have been. I believe you would have judge me as arrogant and whatever tickles your fancy. But you don’t know how I felt when I had to head alone to classes. 

Scared. I’m afraid of what people may think about me. I might seem to care less but the truth is. I care a lot. I do want people think of me nicely.

For what things happened before, I regret it. Really. I couldn’t help myself. I always wanted to tell you this. If you ever had a problem with me, face me. And if you do face me. Face me wisely. Talk to me and treat me as I am a human being. Don’t run to me and curse me out of your lungs because I believe that you don’t want to hear me cursing back at you. Just face me. I don’t bite. I’m harmless. Don’t talk behind my back because I hate it and I couldn’t be bothered. So, I insists face me.

Fahamilah, saya juga mempunyai perasaan. 

Written by,

Ardent02